The Sex Scene I'd Really Like To See
by Klytaimnestra
Summary: Buffy and Spike begin to resolve their issues.


Ficlet: The Sex Scene I Want To See  
  
spoilers: none past Never Leave Me, if that  
  
disclaimers: I don't own them  
  
set: as Jane Austen said in "Mansfield Park" (p.  
470, Oxford Illustrated Edition, Oxford 1923 repr.  
1982),  
  
"I purposely abstain from dates on this occasion,  
that every one may be at liberty to fix their own  
... I only intreat every body to believe that  
exactly at the time when it was quite natural that  
it should be so, and not a week earlier ..."  
  
This story takes place whenever you think Buffy  
and Spike will have had time to work out their  
problems, learn to be friends and fight side by  
side, and respect and trust one another. For me,  
probably not this season, given the glacial pace  
of the story so far. But hey! could be wrong! So  
put it whenever you want it :)  
  
***  
  
Scene: Somewhere with a common area, a bathroom  
and a bedroom.  
  
As we watch, Buffy enters the common area through  
an outside door just as Spike is coming out of the  
bathroom, towel around his waist, towelling his  
hair dry. (Author's note: since he's alone, why is  
he wearing a towel around his waist? Well, I did  
say PG ...) She doesn't immediately see him and  
calls "Spike? I brought the books over about the  
Graawwwl demons - oh, sorry!" she exclaims as she  
catches sight of him. She turns her head and  
blushes a little.  
  
"Give me a second to get decent, Slayer," he says,  
looking a little amused. He goes into the bedroom  
and returns shortly in jeans and a t-shirt,  
barefoot, hair all fluffy in that redemption!Spike  
style. "The Grawwl demon?"  
  
"Graaawwwwlll", says Buffy. "Something like that.  
Giles gave up correcting my pronunciation. I  
wanted you to have a look at the pictures before  
we go hunting it."  
  
"Thanks," Spike says, and takes the stack from  
her. His hand brushes against hers and she  
stiffens almost imperceptibly and withdraws. "I'll  
leave you to it," she says.  
  
He glances at her briefly, thoughtfully, and turns  
to the books. "Hang around for a minute, Buffy,  
while I go through these," he says, flipping open  
the top volume. He jerks his head towards the  
kitchen. "Tea in the top cabinet." (author's  
note: I'm guessing now that this is Spike's  
place.)  
  
"Do you want a cup?" she asks as she heads for the  
kitchen.  
  
"If you're making it anyway," he says. He lifts  
his head and watches her go. "There's a tray in  
there by the toaster if you want to bring it all  
out here," he calls after her.  
  
She returns a few minutes later with a pot of tea,  
mugs, milk and sugar on a tray. "This came from  
Doublemeat Palace!" she says, pointing at the  
tray.  
  
Spike shrugs. "Don't look at me, Slayer. Came  
with the place."  
  
"Oh, I believe you," Buffy says with a sarcastic  
intonation.  
  
"Yeah, Slayer, you do." He looks at her quietly  
and she nods, looking a little embarrassed.  
  
"Yeah, sorry. Bad joke."  
  
"I know." He pushes the books on the table aside  
to make space. "Here." When she sets down the  
tray he pours her a cup, adds milk and passes it  
over to her where she sits on the couch by the  
table. He adds milk and sugar to his own and sits  
down not quite beside her, halfway between her and  
the other end of the couch.  
  
He waits until she's got her cup halfway to her  
lips before he speaks. . "So, Buffy," he says   
conversationally. "Let's talk about sex."  
  
"What?!" she jumps, nearly spilling her tea, and  
begins to stand, but he motions her back down.  
  
"Really. I think it's time we talked about it."  
  
She settles back down slowly, holding her teacup  
like a shield and giving him the wide-eyed  
frightened deer look.  
  
His t-shirt, perhaps it's time to for me to say,  
is a dark blue formfitting crew neck that outlines  
his every muscle and leaves his arms bare. Buffy  
has noticed this and is trying not to look.  
  
He takes a sip of his tea and sets it on the  
table.  
  
"We've been friends for - how long?"  
  
Buffy says, insert reader's choice of length of  
friendship.  
  
"We've fought together, saved the world reader's  
choice of number of times, we trust and respect  
each other, we know each other better than either  
of us knows anyone else."  
  
Buffy nods.  
  
"You know I love you."  
  
She slowly nods again.  
  
"I don't want to make the same mistake I did  
before. But I think your feelings for me are  
warm. You're fond of me."  
  
"Well, of course I am," Buffy says. "You're my  
best friend. I never thought I'd say that, but  
you really are. I - " she stops.  
  
"Buffy, I don't want to overstep here." He is  
careful not to lean towards her or put her on the  
defensive by his physical position. "Forgive me  
if I'm wrong, please. But - I've increasingly had  
the impression that you're more than fond."  
  
She looks away from him and begins to shake her  
head.  
  
"Buffy, please." He looks at her. "I know you're  
attracted to me. I know I could seduce you and  
hope you'd realise your feelings for me that way.  
But I tried that before too and I don't want to do  
it again. If it didn't work we would lose our  
friendship, and that means a great deal to me."  
  
She doesn't answer or look at him. After a minute  
he shrugs and picks up his mug again. "About the  
Grawwl demon, they're not hard to - "  
  
"I am," she says quietly. He stops speaking and  
looks at her.  
  
She turns to look at him. "I am. Much more than  
fond." She takes a deep breath. As if that  
admission was painful, or frightening. "But I  
can't understand how you could want me," she says  
in a rush. "After the things I did to you."  
  
"Buffy, after the things I did to you - after all  
the things I've done - your friendship is the  
greatest honour you could pay me." He sets his  
mug down again and half-turns to face her.  
  
"I'm not saying I don't have scars. But so do  
you," he says. "And I'd like - " he pauses,  
unsure of his words, a rare thing for Spike, and  
settles finally for "I'd like to try. If we take  
it slowly, feel our way, don't assume anything, I  
think we'll be okay."  
  
Buffy looks at him for a long moment, and nods  
hesitantly. "But - about, uh, sex." She looks  
away from him. "It's not that I haven't - thought  
of you." She is turning painfully pink. Spike  
listens without moving or interrupting. "But - I  
have these awful memories. Of all the things I  
did, the way I just - I made use of you and doing  
those things was - " she stares at her teacup -  
"in an awful way it was just another way of  
showing how much I hated you and despised you and  
you didn't matter to me. And - we'd be doing the  
same things. And it would make us both remember."  
She faces him again. She's quite pink now. "I  
don't see how you could possibly want me now. And  
- I never want to go back to that. I would  
never want to treat anyone that way. Ever again."  
  
"As for flashbacks, you're not the only one,"  
Spike says quietly. "All I can do is promise  
myself that I will never - try to force you -  
again. I know I won't. It helps me to know that  
you would never let me." He pauses, and holds her  
eyes. "I will never let you treat me that way,  
Buffy. Ever again."  
  
His eyes still on her, he adds soberly, "And I  
think it's for me to say whether I want you."  
  
Buffy breathes shakily. "I know." She looks away  
from him. "Uh, there's something else." She  
takes another breath. "I'm not saying this to be  
insulting. Just, you should know."  
  
She looks back at him, but it's an effort. "If I  
were you, I'd be really angry with me," she says.   
And - " she pauses and struggles for words. 'This  
is awful to say but I have to. I'm afraid you are  
angry, and you just don't know it. That if we -  
start - you'd treat me the same way I treated you.  
And it's not like I don't deserve it, I do. But I  
-" she takes a deep breath. "I really couldn't  
stand it. Not from you." She glances at him.   
"Your friendship means a lot to me, too. I'd  
rather do anything than lose it. I'd rather never  
have sex again for the rest of my life, than lose  
it."  
  
Spike considers her. "I feel the same way," he  
says at last. "If those are the choices, then  
bashing the bishop in the morning shower is  
definitely the way to go."  
  
"Spike!" Buffy is half-shocked, half-laughing.  
  
"Sorry." He obviously isn't really, he's smiling.  
"But I think you're saying that you're afraid you  
can't trust me."  
  
Buffy shakes her head vehemently. "No. I know I  
can trust you. I can trust you before anyone. I  
just - "  
  
"You're just afraid."  
  
She nods. "And then with the - not wanting to go  
there again and - "  
  
"You'd have made a wonderful Victorian virgin, you  
know," Spike says. She glances up at him; he has  
the tenderest look on his face that you can  
imagine. Like when she came down the stairs after  
her resurrection, but amplified a thousand times.  
"Fortunately I have training in being a Victorian  
virgin."  
  
"Virgin?" Buffy can't help but be warmed,  
reassured, by the look on his face. She relaxes a  
little. "Uh, amnesia here?"  
  
He smiles at her. "We're both afraid, of  
ourselves, of each other, we don't know what we  
can trust. We'd both be starting over.  
  
"But Buffy, we can't forget, but we don't have to  
do the same things at all. Or the same way. For  
one thing, we don't have to do it all at once."  
  
She digests this, and seems unsure. "How would  
that - "  
  
"If you felt scared, or uncomfortable, or were  
having flashbacks, or for any other reason. Or if  
I did. We'd just stop. Right away. Either of us  
can always say no. So we'd go slowly. Give  
ourselves a chance to heal, be comfortable with  
each other, be sure we can trust each other." He  
smiled at her. "William would be more comfortable  
with that anyway. He'd prefer a 4-year courtship  
on general principles."  
  
Buffy is watching him now.  
  
"And we can always stop?" she asks. "If it's not  
working? And go back to being friends."  
  
"We can always stop," he confirms.  
  
She sits back on the couch. "Well - I guess we  
could try," she says. She smiles at him  
tentatively. (authors' note: dipping into the mind  
of a character when I haven't done it before now  
but I don't know how else to make this point):  
Buffy thinks, geez, this has got to be the most  
clinical discussion of a relationship I've ever  
had, so why am I so horny? But it doesn't seem to  
be the moment, and she hides this. Spike inhales  
imperceptibly, those old vampire senses again, but  
he does her the courtesy of pretending he doesn't  
know the state she's in.  
  
"Right," he says. He turns back to the table.  
"Now about the Grawwl demons."  
  
"Spike!" He turns back to her, hiding a smile. "I  
thought we could -uh - "  
  
"Celebrate our new agreement?" She nods,  
blushing.  
  
"Not if you don't want," she says. She's off  
balance, not sure what to expect, and feeling  
suddenly shy.  
  
He looks at her. "I'd like to kiss you," he says.  
He smoothes a strand of hair back from her  
forehead with one hand. "Would that be all  
right?"  
  
She nods again and slides a little closer to him  
on the couch. He sets one hand gently on her  
shoulder, and leans towards her, giving her time  
to move away. She moistens her lips and moves  
towards him instead. His lips delicately touch  
her forehead, her eyebrows, her cheekbone. Her  
eyes half-close and her hand slides up to his  
chest. She turns her face to meet his lips. Their  
lips meet, graze, touch and taste each other.  
After a moment he pulls away, looks at her and  
leans back to kiss her more deeply. His hand  
slides through her hair; her hands slips over his  
chest to his shoulders, and she hangs on for dear  
life.His arm wraps around her back and holds her  
there, against his body.  
  
An endless time later they draw apart. She is  
bright red and breathing as if she's just run a  
marathon. He kisses her cheek, her forehead, and  
she snuggles her head into the curve of his neck.  
Without any warning, she bursts into tears.  
  
"Buffy! Buffy, what's wrong? Are you - " Spike  
starts to pull away, concerned, but she wraps her  
arm around his waist and stays where she is,  
shaking her head, and wipes her streaming eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry. I just - I thought I'd lost you. I  
thought we could never - and I was so sorry. And  
now I've never been happier in my life."  
  
His face breaks into the tenderest smile you can  
imagine. Go back to the last one and add an order  
of magnitude. He pushes her hair back and kisses  
her eyebrow. "Me too, sweetheart." His arm stays  
wrapped around her while she finishes sniffling  
and wipes her face.  
  
"I'm sorry, that kind of spoilt the mood," she  
says, sitting up.  
  
"No, pet." He leans forward and kisses her cheek.  
"It was the mood." She gives him a watery smile.  
  
"Now about those Grawwl demons," they chorus, and  
both begin to laugh. Spike turns to the books on  
the table in front of them, and Buffy sits beside  
him on the couch, their upper arms and legs  
brushing together. They turn the pages together  
and read, discussing the important points. Every  
so often Buffy looks up and kisses his cheek.  
Every so often Spike strokes her hair. Neither of  
them has the slightest idea what's in the books,  
they might as well have been reading the back of a  
cereal box, but oh well.  
  
When the last book is set aside Buffy looks at  
Spike uncertainly. "I'd like to stay but -"  
  
"But it's too soon. For me too, pet." Spike  
stands and offers her his hand (author's note:  
foreshadowing ...). She takes it (see last   
author's note) and rises. "Can I walk you home?"   
he asks.  
  
"It depends," she says. "Will you kiss me  
goodnight when we get there?"  
  
He grins at her. "You'll just have to wait and  
see."  
  
(author's note: and they lived happily ever after.) 


End file.
